Damn it!!!! Why I must be an ELF????

I really couldn’t understand when one day I found that I am an ELF
I really couldn’t realize that recently I become the one who is really addicted of being theirs, don’t want to find even one thing about them was left
I confess that firstly I just didn’t care much about them
I admit that even I cursed if I feel these kinds of symptoms
I do hate Super Junior when I know that I belong to their part without knowing!
How dare they are to steal half of mine, the deepest one, without asking!
No wonder that they gave me tons of happiness, miracle, and way for love…
No doubt that they make me feel such sensation of being loved…
No objection that they’ve made me dies of laugh,
When Leeteuk had to being in love with Kangin in Mini Drama…
When Heechul was imitating Tell Me Dance of Wonder Girls,,,
When Hangkyung was prank by other members in Super Junior Fullhouse…
When Yesung was failed to be the legend of the highest jumper in EHB…
When Kangin was angry at the moment that Leeteuk CS squirted water to wakening him up…
When Shindong was being upset at the moment Ari had a pee on his beloved motorcycle…
When Sungmin was being cute in front of noonas, while in front of his hyungs he’ll be so cool…
When Eunhyuk admitted that he ate the leftover food of another artist…
When Donghae was dancing like crazy on the stage…
When Siwon was failed to retaliate to put Kangin’s short off in EHB…
When Ryewook was trying to speak in pig language in 100 Songs Challenge…
When Kibum was crying at the moment he had to eat the hottest pepper in the world…
When Kyuhyun was being the king of NG in Mini Drama…
I can’t lie that I always cried, though…
A lot!
I cried when I saw they work that hard to present their best without any spirit declined…
I cried a lot when I know that between them and me there were such words like I’m yours and you’re mine.
I cried litters when they said that as long as the ELF are being happy with their performance, being tired and suffered is fine…
I cried the most when I’m sure that they’re born to shine, not to be mine!
Perhaps, they’ll never know how many thankful I sent to God that I found them,
Because when I saw my self in the mirror, I know that I didn’t deserve even to show that in my heart there is their totem!
Probably, they’ll never ever see how much they are meant to me,
Because they didn’t know how many tears that these eyes have dropped when I remember what impossible the world to make them one with me!
Maybe, they’ll never ever ever realize one simple yet important thing,
Because it seems that even the fate doesn’t allow them to see that at least there is me who is nothing!
I was down when one of my friend said that loving you is worthless.
He must be wrong since he didn’t feel this kind of speechless, this kind of breathless!
I was upset when couple of friends said that admiring you is tasteless.
They must be wrong since they’ll never know that by being like this is all I want the most, not less!
I can shout so loudly when a person asked me how I could love unreal people like crazy!
I can be sad so deeply when someone smiles sarcastically when he saw who is the only one I saw!
I can cry so badly when somebody insults you that much!
I by myself will never ever think that I want you like this…
I by myself will never ever predict that I can be this selfish…
It never be so beautiful till I stand in this our time, this nearly end of the time…
The time when I know that I love you more, an inch each second…
The more I love you, the more I believe in you,
The more I believe in you, the more I won’t let you go,
The more I won’t let you go, the more I feel that this love is really hurt!
Damn it that this love is really hurt!
Damn it that I love you painfully!
It has already hurt when I knew that they’re Super Junior and I’m just an ELF…
It has already painful when I realized that sooner or later, both they and I will leave or being left…
It’s more hurt when I read that next year Teukie will be on military academy, though he wants to be the leader of Super Junior still!
It’s more painful when I heard that Kibum will be focus on his acting career other than being Super Junior still!
It’s more hurt when I see that Kyuhyun prefer to manage a school, though he is too early to stop his career as a singer still!
It’s painful the most when I knew that Yesung will stop to sing since his father is sick recently, though he loves singing the most still!
Since that kind of dilemma has been a part of mine..
I lost sometimes…
Till now I never ever know how to behave towards them and towards my own feeling…
I want to make them mine like crazy, yet in other line I don’t want to make their life messy…
I should let them go, back to their own life that probably they missed the most, yet without heard and see them even just for a while how my life could still goes…
Is it my entire fault for being an ELF?
Do I have to be guilty by myself?
Everybody…
Everybody, please tell me how I could release this love while that love is definitely has been penetrated under my skin till it can sprout up a rose!
Anybody, please tell me how I could try to hate you while loving you is one thing that I thanked of the most!
Just tell me to prevent this feeling flowing over like a river!
Just tell me not to be a lover!
Just tell me not to be myself!
Just tell me not to be an ELF!